Assalamulaikum

Hi! long time no see and update right? yeah baru aku tahu yang sumpah aku dah berubah almost 96% daripada naddy yang dulu. /moment of silence/

Yeah oh well dia punya tajuk je dah buat berdebar-debar kan? yeah i'm a depression patient even aku tak jumpa doctor lagi. excuse me, this is me so i know myself really well and everything doesn't go well far from what i expected it would be.

At first i don't give a fuck at all but then day by day this depression became worst till i can't help about it. but i'm a good actress so i knew how to hide my pains! ^^v but i couldn't hide it when i'm alone. whenever people says things that hurts my feelings, i will cry.

The good thing is that my family didn't know about it so i don't have to stress about it. i don't have to worries them and lately i get sick easily but here i am staying strong blocking and hiding my pain. i'm a big girl so i know what is my medicine and my family don't have to fxcking worry about me.

I know myself really well.

But seems like my depression grows worsen day by day and step by step to the worst depression. if before, i felt sad my friend left me out. but now i feel like i don't give a fuck anymore because i know i was born to be alone and will die alone too.

I never knew why i was born. 

People always shocked when they knew i have starved myself for a day or two days but for me i used to it and whenever i said i'm lonely or hungry, nobody cares. even my own family ignored me and i feel like as if i'm invisible in this house. I USED TO ALL OF THAT.

I don't need my depression medicine, what i need is a very very long time of sleep without any disturbance and a man who i loves the most stay with me. i knew i may sounds like crazy bitch but this is what i really wants.

I want a silent and good place to be alone with someone i love to be with. and i need someone close to me to makes me happy as fuck. and to make it short, i need attention when i want to. but there's this time where i feel like want to be alone in a deeeeeeeep hole by myself and go out whenever i want to.

I like being alone but lately i've been lonely and it hurts.

And to those who read this, please don't spread it to anyone because i don't wanna look like a depressed bitch who want attention because i'm not an attention whore and i'm here just to tell you how depression patients feel like. 

That's all.